23 Feb 2015

Oh Hi....life.

It's amazing how your priorities in life change, all I used to care about was staying awake so I didn't miss anything and if I looked ridiculous with a lip ring. Then it changed to making sure I kept a job and trying to not get my heart broken. Now all I care about is having enough food in my house and making sure my family know how much I adore them. In a few months all I'll care about is not crapping myself in front of strangers, and if my Husband still finds me attractive after more than likely crapping myself in front of a bunch of strangers. 

Life can easily be misinterpreted to be a lot more complicated than it needs to be. We put so much pressure on ourselves nowadays, that we forget to just enjoy and appreciate what we have. We are all so busy striving to be the best in something, to prove to an online world that we are happy and our lives are pretty great. But not just in the online world, in the real world too. Maybe you stay over at work for an hour or so a few times a week, just to try and prove to a boss that you are dedicated. Even though you know that boss doesn't appreciate it in the slightest, it's your 'job' right?  Or you're still in a friendship that is completely one sided and you are always there for the other person, and getting nothing in return? It doesn't have to be that way you know, I should know. 

When I was 18, I set out to university with the intent on making my parents proud. But I spent most of my first year drinking stella and lime and spent a heap of money on burgers at the pub across the road from campus. Then my Mom got ill when she was pregnant, I lost my job at the pub for being a drunken fool, I gave up on uni because I hated my course and then became so depressed that I didn't leave the house for six months, because every time I did, I'd have a panic attack. Eventually I plucked up the courage to re-apply for a Photography course, made a trip to town and stood in a crowd of people and faced my fears again. There are parts of my life I have never shared on this blog, maybe because I see it all as my past now and partly because people would read it as me just wanting sympathy. You know what, I'm Ok. I don't need the sympathy, everything turned out fine and all of those experiences and failures in my life made me the person I am now. I kind of like the person I am now, even though I wish I had a touch more courage. 

Life will throw so many obstacles in your path, it's the way you overcome them that makes your journey so individual. That's what makes you, you. Being a woman in a society that blasts people for not having perfect skin or promotes a shampoo that will turn you in to a wind machine blown goddess...it's pretty hard to want to stand out instead of blend in. Hiding your own loves and hobbies because they aren't the norm? Why? Look at me, I'm a 28 year old girl who doesn't drink, loves gardening, reading and would much rather find a new restaurant than a new nightclub. I love tea, music and finding the perfect pillow a lot more exciting than many other people do. I've got a perfect life to me, it's my perfect, nobody else's. I'm not living for others like I used to when I was younger, I try less and less to impress people and I am very happy and content. Yes I have my struggles but I always think that my bad days would probably be someone's good days, so I try not to get disheartened. I'm in a decent job, that yes isn't my chosen career but I do well. I'm married, have my own home and I'm now going to be a mother. That brings a whole new sense of weight on my shoulders, will I be a good mother. Will I be what society see's as a 'good mother', pressure is everywhere isn't it?

I simply feel we should all live in the moment a little bit more, take a look around at what we have achieved and re-look at our dreams and where they are in being achieved. Take some time back for yourself, have a long bath, detach from the internet, spend some time with friends you don't make enough time for. Soak in your life and try and change what's making you un-happy. Writing a simple post the other day called 'Happiness is' really made me feel better. I honestly think that sometimes I need to take my own advice, and I am going to take this advice. I've put my dreams on the back burner, because well...I didn't have enough time, when I really did. So keep your eyes peeled for that Photography shop, it's coming real soon. 

Enjoy your life, you only get one. 

18 Feb 2015

Happiness is...

-Having a week off work to do absolutely nothing but rest.
-When your Husband makes you a hot water bottle for your back ache.
-Consuming an entire box of chilli chicken wings with no guilt.
-Not having to go out in the rain.
-When your Mom talks to your baby bump with the excitement level of a small child.
-Realising you only have 16 weeks left at work.
-Dreaming of that new baby smell and not having to hand the baby back.
-Buying tiny clothes.
-Getting in from the cold and sipping hot tea.
-Getting positive results from your Mom's emergency mammogram.
-Eating a huge pasta lunch with your not so baby brother, just you and him.
-Pockets of warm sunshine when you step out of the shade.
-Ordering a new iPhone.
-Dreaming of Spring in Norway.
-Staying awake until 11:30pm laughing with your friends.

...What has made you happy this month?

//Inspired by one of my favourite bloggers Oh Joy! 

16 Feb 2015

The First Trimester

Now that I am a few weeks in to my second trimester, I thought it might be nice to share some details of my first trimester with you. I promise that now I'm having a baby, the blog wont turn in to a complete baby fest. But I thought that this might be interesting to other pregnant bloggers or people that are trying to get pregnant. I had absolutely no idea what to expect, I have watched many pregnancy vlogs by some of my favourite bloggers and read all about birthing stories and pregnancy for a very long time. But every single person is different and will experience pregnancy differently to the other. So I'll tell you a little bit about how we found out and how I sat there in complete denial.

So December 4th rolls around and there is no sign of you know what, but I think nothing of it because my visits from the monthly can differ. So a few days went by and then ten days went by and I started to think ok, this is weird. But I'd gone to ten days late before, done a pregnancy test, negative and then a visit the next day. So I left it and didn't bother even getting excited. I guess wanting and trying for this for nearly an entire year, I'd became a bit disheartened. I can't even tell you how many pregnancy tests I took over the space of that year, enough to make my own aisle at Boots probably. So it got to two weeks late and I told my Mom and she just told me to do a pregnancy test, but I never. I didn't want to, I didn't want the disappointment. She rang me the next day and asked if I'd done the test and to her dismay and slight anger she shouted at me and told me that it was night and day, and if I was pregnant the test would tell me. Anyway, on day 16 I arrive home from work at 10:30pm, open my front door and find three pregnancy tests have been posted through our front door: Mother. Usually I would wait until the morning, but as she had sent three I thought one wouldn't hurt. So off I went and called Dey in to the bathroom and we watched one line appear *heart sink* but then another started to appear and then it was there, strong and vivid and I just couldn't comprehend. To the point that, as I hadn't used this test before I shouted at Dey to get the box 'Does two mean yes, Dey does two mean yes?!' So he scrambles for the box 'Yes, yes, do another one!' So I take a more well known brand and bang a cross straight away, and I cry and laugh through hysteria and Dey just hugs me and I just keep repeating 'I can't believe it, this isn't happening.' With that we facetime both our Mom's from both of our phones at the exact same time so it's fair and then everything is real.

We're having a baby. I was 6 weeks.

-Sick, the nausea is so bad. Feels like I'm constantly on a boat and it's disturbing my sleep.
-Tired, the nausea seems to appear more at night and lying down isn't an option.
-Irritated, probably from lack of sleep & the fact that I've had to cut down on the love of my life: tea.
-Travel sick, especially in taxi's where they have the heat so, so high. We don't live in the Arctic!

-Ginger biscuits.
-Eating little and often.
-Listening to music in bed, it really helped putting my headphones in really low.
-Hot water bottles.
-Drinking hot water.

-PG Tips, no thank you.
-Anything overly milky.
-The smell of chutney.
-Over eating, I can't be full, I've had half a plate of food.
-Not sleeping, oh it's just awful with my work shifts.
-The fact that I can't lift or move anything remotely heavy.
-People in general.
-Not being able to share my news with the world.

-Chicken tenders
-Yorkshire Tea, my stepdad saved the day Christmas morning by offering me a strong mug of steaming sweet gold.
-Hot Ribena
-Dim Sum, my only hope of safe seafood.

-Spare ribs
-Chicken Tenders
-Did I mention bacon? The meat of dreams.
-Basically I've turned in to a huge carnivore.
-Sushi - it's only getting worse the more I can't eat it.

I think overall I was very lucky with my first trimester, I didn't throw up, yes I had overwhelming nausea that knocked me off my feet. But apart from that, tiredness & an early bout of carpel tunnel syndrome, I was ok. Later in to the trimester I started suffering with extreme backache and it's only getting worse. I don't know if the fact that I stand on my feet for 8 hours isn't helping, but it's starting to really affect my day. Sleep has been difficult, Dey bought me a pregnancy pillow and it is helping a little. I've found that trying to stop drinking an hour before bed is helping with needing the loo half way through the night. I went through a bout of waking up extremely thirsty but that seems to have passed now. My mood swings and emotional breakdowns seem to creeping in now, I cry if I'm hungry, tired or stressed. I start arguments on Dey over silly things, but he still loves me so that's ok.

Here's to the second trimester.
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