22 Aug 2015

Leather and Florals

I never thought I'd be sharing an outfit post 12 days after giving birth, but hey here I am. It may be because it's nice to mark a day where I am not in my pyjama's. To be honest, I feel quite proud of myself, I've managed to dress myself more than a few times over the past two weeks. I am in no rush to lose my baby weight, however much the new clothes I bought whilst pregnant are burning a whole in my wardrobe. I plan on trying to lose it as naturally as possible, and by that I mean gardening!

Trying to dress when you are a breastfeeding mama is quite difficult, especially when your boobs leak on demand every three hours, even with no baby in sight. I bought this maxi dress from New Look when I was still pregnant (it's now in the sale ffs), it has those pretty off the shoulder sleeves you can't see. I plan on wearing it way in to Autumn by layering it over a shirt. Toughened up the girly by adding my trusty Topshop leather, deffo didn't need it the heat today though! Deffo didn't need this coat that I bought yesterday either, but you know Topshop discount and all.

These past few weeks have been a whirlwind of sleep deprivation, visitors and I think I could build a wall with the amount of nappies Evie has got through. It really is true when they say the hard work starts when you become a parent. Because it is bloody hard work, I am absolutely dreading Dey and my Mom going back to work. We've managed to stay on top of the flat, the washing...my sanity! It's amazing how sleep deprivation effects your mood, eating, dare I say it, sense of humour. Finding small luxuries in a bath, painting my nails, taking a walk or simply sitting in bed for half an hour have really helped. I find it super hard to nap in the day without feeling ill, something that came very naturally when I was pregnant. I've managed to forget to eat, the days pass so quickly even though it feels like I'm doing nothing, I've watched more episodes of Jeremy Kyle than I care to admit and there have been days where I feel so overwhelmed I want to cry. But I am just so happy, I've never felt a love like it in my life. 


14 Aug 2015

Introducing: Evie

Just under a week ago, I was sitting in this exact place typing about my world changing. Fast forward and the whirlwind that is this past week has passed by with the sweetest scent imaginable. When I wrote that post, I was nervously waiting for Sunday to arrive as I had known from the Friday afternoon that I was going to have to be induced. We'd had one too many episodes of minimal movement, and apparently there was no point keeping her from being born any longer. Fast forward to Monday morning at 6:03am and I was being passed the most perfect human being I ever did create.

All I remember is looking down, looking up at Dey and my Mom and bursting in to tears. You wait so long for that tiny world to enter your galaxy, that it feels like light years. Then all of a sudden, its as if someone turned on a sky that never had any stars. You become so overwhelmed and mesmerised that you can't really take it all in, it feels too surreal. Well that world has been with us five days now and it feels like I have finally found the sun in my solar system. She is calm, beautiful and has the most perfect head I have ever known.

Becoming parents is of course tiring, emotional, and ever so consuming but I don't think we would change it for anything. She has altered our lives yes, but she has made them so much richer. I find myself looking at her and feeling so full of love that I could just explode. I have cried and taken enough baths for an entire family, but I simply don't remember a life without her. It's amazing what an hours sleep, a perfect husband and an incredible family can solve and I am so eternally grateful for their support. I knew that I loved Dey before, but seeing him become a Father has made me feel so more in love with him.

My life is complete. 

8 Aug 2015

Letting it all sink in

As I near my due date (Wednesday) I'm starting to feel not only overwhelmed but a little bit melancholy. As much as these last few weeks have been anything but comfortable, I still can't help feeling like soon I'm going to feel a little bit lost. Being pregnant for nearly ten months is a very long time, virtually an entire year of your life hosting a small foetus that turns in to a tiny human. From flutters that feel like you have hiccups, to feeling tiny hands and feet pushing against your skin. It is quite possibly one of the most moving and special experiences of my entire life.

Having that connection through skin contact alone is a very personal journey that your partner or those around you don't get to experience and I can't help feeling that I will miss those private little moments, the first feelings that just you and that baby experience first together. But then you have the excitement of knowing that soon enough, you will not only be able to feel those little hands, but hold and kiss them. Your very own little miracle that you have looked after, supported, fed and grown all by yourself. I feel so proud of how I have coped and dealt with all of these different pains and swirling emotions and you really don't know how strong you can be until you go through those.

I lay awake at night, frustrated that sleep just isn't finding me and then my little girl will remind me just how complete my life is soon to become. Having had a life full of ups and downs, knowing that I will soon have a person to love me un-conditionally makes me feel so emotional. I now know why my parents are so protective, their frustrations and lessons they tried to teach me. I know why my Mom is so apprehensive about her little girl going through pain and aches. Because I can't even imagine my little girl going through any pain, I would want to take it for her. That bond, even now without yet looking in to her eyes is so overwhelmingly strong. Because she is so wanted and she was made by two people who love and care for each other so much. To know that I have created a person who shares half of my Husband, who will have his personality traits and hopefully his perfect lips, his intelligence and my creativity. I hope she is bold and daring like me and patient and caring like her father. I hope she achieves everything she wants out of life and she isn't scared to take chances. That however many times someone breaks her heart or hurts her feelings, she will pick herself up and come out stronger. I hope she realises just how much she is loved, because you are my beautiful little girl.

You always will be. 
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