All right loves? Thought I'd drop in and pick up the mood a little, sharing my heart proved very therapeutic and I want to thank you from the bottom of it for all of the emails and kind messages I received. Not only was it amazingly brave of you to share those stories with me, it was kind...so thank you and I hope exposing something a little raw helped a few of you feel less alone too.

Apart from listening to the new Ben Howard album, I've been consuming my weight in all sorts of bad foods...coconut gelato in the bath anyone? No? Just me then. Here is an outfit that I wore to afternoon tea for my wedding anniversary, which was yesterday. I can't even explain how quickly that year has gone, we headed to Cardiff and had a wonderful time. I'll share more of that later in the week with you though. 

I picked up this Zara tapestry dress whilst in London with my Mom, she made me buy it because she couldn't get her size. I don't regret it though, even if Olivia looks a million times better in it than me. It's a little short and I can't particularly lean, let alone bend forward, but the colours are so autumnal and I love the pattern. I paired it with my trusty ASOS hat, Topshop gilet &bag and Deichmann boots. Deichmann are actually running a competition to win a trip to Milan for you and a friend up until the 31st October, you simply have to upload a pic of your shoes to Instagram with the hashtag #adayinmydeichmanns for a chance to win. I would like one of you to stop me buying hats and scarves now please, I think I have bought at least five in the past few months. This camel Zara beauty could not be left in the shop though....SNUGGLY.

I'm not perfect.

That makes ten.

Ten months, ten heartbreaks, months of pressure, of expectations, of maybe next time hugs. The hugs don't help, but I pretend they do. I pretend I'm Ok. I pretend to feel better. I pretend that the 'Isn't it time for babies?' question doesn't shatter my heart a little bit more, every time someone asks. I'm a bit fed up of pretending to be honest. Because you know what? I'm not Ok. I'm not. But then ten months in the grand scheme of time is nothing, I know that people have to wait months, years, sometimes decades. I know that people are told every day that they can't have children at all and I know that all over the world women's hearts break over and over again.

I know that I am lucky.

But I'm not perfect. Tears forever fall, expectations forever grow, I strive to be better.

I know that I am loved, so loved. It's so hard to write this, so hard to share it with you. Maybe I hope I'm not alone? Maybe I just need to write it down. I pause a lot whilst I type, so personal I think, so raw....so me. Exposing my heart is something I have come to terms with, with this blog. It's an extension of my soul, everything I spill on to it's pages makes the weight from my shoulders lighter. Sometimes I pretend nobody will read it, like a private diary that I will re-read one day. Tell myself, look how it all got better. Look how silly you should feel, you silly girl. Listen to how un-grateful you sound. But I'm not perfect.

My head hurts, swimming with emotions. You see it everywhere you know, when you want it so badly. In the press, with friends, even strangers. Tears pool, but I'm so lucky. I keep repeating, so why does my heart feel so empty? The yearning, I can't explain it, it overwhelms me, it is constant. Every month it doesn't happen feels like someone has wrapped a weight around my heart, and it is drowning. I'm so tired, I don't know if I can post this.

What am I doing wrong? What's wrong with me?

My heart aches.

Autumn Colour for a Novice Gardener

I mentioned a while back that I wanted to take a more grown-up direction with my blog, and share my life as it is at the ripe old age of 28. I have had my own home for five years now, complete with my own little garden. Now I adore gardening, but I pretend to everyone that I'm really good but I'm more than likely a bit of a novice. My Father-In-Law appreciates that I love gardening so much and I always impress him when I know names of plants...I just don't necessarily 100% know how to plant and look after them.

I see gardening as yet another creative outlet and I love nothing more than photographing them. Most of the trips me and Dey go on, involve a garden that I traipse him around, whilst I shoot away in my oil pot. Everyone seems to think that Summer marks the end of having colour in your garden, but you can pick up A/w bedding plants that will flower in to the colder months. Things such as Hydrangea's like the pink beauty below hold their colour in to the first few weeks of October and are even stunning whilst dormant. You can see how pretty and autumnal this time of year can be with the Wallflower shot below left. Like little bursts of fire, what I have left of them...stupid slugs! 

Now is also the perfect time of year to plant your spring bulbs and Tim from Plant Me Now sent me an immense selection, including Alliums, Tulips and Daffodils. I've layered some in to a pot ready for them to appear in stages in the spring, then popped some in to the shared garden I have with my neighbour at the front of my flat. I'll hopefully be able to update you on how they appear next Spring. I would always suggest getting bulbs and bedding plants from an online garden retailer as it works out so much cheaper in the long run. I used to help my Mom order great stuff for her garden at home, she would stuff and stuff until her heart was content and her garden was fit to burst. But it was so pretty to see it come to life in the Spring. 

You can find a hub of information to help you with gardening on the Plant Me Now website, so if you too are a bit of a novice and want to take on a challenge, head on over to their section called 'Gardening Assistant'. Hopefully the results of my challenge will be a full blossoming garden, you never know a few shots might just make it in to my shop next year. Nature is such a beautiful and simple thing and it's so easy to create your own floral wonderland with the help of great advice. Now I'm off to watch my series link of Gardener's World, that Monty, what a man! 'Sorry Tim!'