17 May 2015

FED UP OF 'FITTING IN'


Lately, I seriously haven't been able to keep up with this blogging lark. Mainly because I haven't had the time, majorly because I haven't wanted to. That might sound bad, but I've always tried to be honest with my readers. I know full well that blogging trends and what and who is 'in' change like the weather, I've been doing this for five whole years now. It's quite hard at the moment, I know that people don't want to constantly read about pregnancy. I have so many ideas to blog about, I just can't fit it in right now. I can't 'fit in' at the moment, don't particularly want to in all honesty. All I want to do is eat, sleep and listen to 'Party Songs I secretly love' on Spotify. I don't want to buy anything marble to take pictures on, I don't have time to style my Instagram pictures, I don't have time to re-arrange my Pinterest boards so they are more commercial. 

Basically I don't have what it takes to be a blogger that holds people's interests right now. All I see lately is 'How to...' blogposts, I've never liked blogging rules. Especially when this is supposed to be a creative outlet, a slice of your personality and a space where you reflect who you are as a person. If we followed the rules, we'd all be....well a marble surface. I think a lot of people feel they have to try and be the same as everyone else to fit in...I'm guilty of it too sometimes. Everyone has different personalities and traits that set them apart from others, and all I see in the 'blogging world' is people hiding that, covering up their true self just to try and acquire what others have achieved. It's a slippery slope that, extremely hard to keep up a pretence.


I know nothing will change, because that's just the way things are now. I've totally and utterly accepted it, nothing and nobody is right or wrong and absolutely everyone is entitled to do exactly what they want. I guess it just makes me a bit sad, sad to think that people lose interest if you don't have the latest collection of something or that you don't have perfect Instagram photos. I'm a happy human, I have a happy life...I might be a hormonal mess on occasion, but 90% of the time I'm smiling. I mean right now I'm listening to Ke$ha 'Your Love is my Drug' and I'm not even remotely ashamed...but then I've never fitted in. I'll remain this square peg in a very round blogging world hole and I will be completely and utterly fine with that.

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4 May 2015

Stripes at six months

SIX MONTHS
Part of me can't really believe that I am here, I'm actually two weeks past the six month stage now. Everything seems to be moving just that little bit too quickly, I leave work in just over a month and I'm starting to get a bit stressed that I don't have the bigger things we need yet. Picking a pram is a minefield of cost vs my sensible brain and don't even get me started on where I'm going to put a cot in our tiny little apartment. All I know is, it's all getting a bit real and part of me can't believe that in a few months I will be holding a real life little girl who I'm 100% responsible for.

Maternity dressing has been difficult, trying to find clothes that remain fashionable and comfortable for work has been no mean feat. People obviously judge you when you work for a brand such as Topshop. Remaining a 'Fashion Role Model' when you simply wish you could go to work in your pyjama's...



So I've turned to outfits like these, because well they feel like grown up pyjama's. This entire outfit, bar the shoes is Forever 21. They have simply been knocking comfortable jumpsuits that fit my long legs out of the park this Spring. This one set me back a mere £18, a tiny bit tight but I didn't want to buy a heap of maternity clothes. So I opted out of buying the large as I knew I wouldn't be able to wear it after the birth.

I'm not going to lie, I'm starting to get a tiny bit uncomfortable now. Mini legs are starting to find ribs and I'm finding it extremely difficult to just 'get up', I have to sort of roll and lift up sideways to get out of bed. You'd never imagine that something so small could be so heavy, but she really does pack some weight. I love her already though, she has a nap and play routine now and feeling her get the hiccups simply makes my heart melt. I can't wait to meet her and put us in matching outfits....yes I'm going to be that Mother. Hooray for you guys! Hope you are all enjoying the Bank Holiday sunshine.

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17 Apr 2015

A Heart to Heart

Being pregnant isn't easy. There I said it, if that makes me appear ungrateful of my blessing; I apologise, from the bottom of my heart I do. Pregnancy brings along many emotions, your hormones are all over the place and sharing the experience with people that either haven't been pregnant before or are male and will never get to experience it...well it can make you feel a little lonely. Let's say some days you feel a little fragile, like if someone says the simplest of things, you might break like a cheap Poundland mug.

It's such an overwhelming experience, you feel so amazingly happy and sort of shit at the same time. You look out for hero moments...like, yes I can still do my own shoes up or the fact that someone hasn't pointed out how 'huge' you are that day. You become over sensitive, over tired, over bearing, easily annoyed, your back hurts, you itch all of the time, you snap at people for no reason, you want to cry for the most stupid things.

It's hard. But it's so beautiful.


So I'm just admitting that, however much I wouldn't change it for the universe...I still get moaners guilt. I know how difficult it is to be so overwhelmingly consumed with getting pregnant and it simply not happening, so to admit that this thing isn't easy. To admit to moaning about it, well it just makes me feel bad. But you know, I'm only human. It's so frustrating when people don't understand, when they think sciatica is just a bit of back pain, to see you crying and still not try and support you. It's hard to see it from the none pregnant view when you are so consumed with being the pregnant one. Today I've spent the afternoon in bed after being sent home from work with tears rolling down my cheeks, and not being able to walk at a speed faster than a snail crawl. I've cried and I've napped and I've become a bit too emotionally attached to a hot water bottle. Yet the other day I felt like the most beautiful, healthy pregnant woman in the whole world. Pregnancy is a roller coaster. But you know, people have more important things to worry about. I mean Zayn shaved his head and that...

I've read two articles about pregnancy from Facebook this week, one was a woman who basically had over enlarged abs instead of a baby bump, and the other was about how a woman completely over shared every move of her babies life on social media. To the point where her friends wrote her a very stern letter to just STOP IT. But you know what, out of everything, all the meetings, midwives, doctors, gifted things...nobody has given me a handbook. Because there aren't any rules to this parent and pregnancy thing right? I am petrified, I don't know what to do when my baby girl arrives. What do I do when I get home from the hospital? What cry means hungry or I've poo'd my pants? What will my body look like after I've had the baby? Will my Husband still find my foof attractive? WHAT DO I DO?!

So however much my heart explodes when I feel my baby girl kick, there are still days like today when for five minutes I wish I just felt human. 
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