Today has been one of the most stressful days of my life. Not only do I have approximately nine months to plan a wedding I have exactly....1 item towards it, some forks. Living my life by a standard of Pinterest folders is not helping me in the slightest either. I don't want to compromise on aesthetic, why can't I just find a nice country pub that I can hire that doesn't want to charge me the cost of my limbs? I am willing to do more than most for myself, I'll sit there for days and make invitations out of Hessian and white card. I'll blow up a thousand balloons, I just want to make some headway.
Working to a budget is hard but necessary, one day out of your life should not take you in to a lifetime of debt and mainly - regret. I just don't understand how these people can get away with charging thousands of pounds for a room and 50 canapés. Then I realised to myself, it's because they can - the want for people to get married will never fade. Women will never stop dreaming about fancy dresses and the perfect speech, because it's our dream (most of ours).
I see so many re-pins of the perfect barn and amazing engagement rings, girls just like me who wish they could get married in forests with tree's wrapped in fairy lights. I just want to be normal, I want to get married and I want to have a baby...soon. I can sit here and try to deny the burning desire I feel in my soul, for the perfect life - but I can't.
It is what I want and crave, a husband, a home and a beautifully, healthy child.
I don't want to be ruled by a pompous, money grabbing goon who hasn't the slightest interest in my big day, just his new Ferrari. I don't want to have to hold my reception in a complete dive with random people looking through the window's. I want a nice driveway and an open fire, cocktails in jars and lots of cake, surrounded by my nearest and dearest, listening to them laugh and reminding myself how lucky I am to have them.
I want to look in to my new husband's eyes and think this day is perfect. Then I think without everything, it will be because I have him and that is all that matters.
So much pressure is bestowed upon the bride and groom to provide a great 'show' for everyone else, when really the day is only about them and for them. Yet I still feel the need to feed them with just the right menu and make sure they sit on pretty chairs. I don't want to be judged, I more than anyone...just want to be loved.
As the Bohemian's of the Moulin Rouge sing: No matter what you say the show is ending our way. You've gotta stand your ground for freedom, beauty, truth, and love.
Working to a budget is hard but necessary, one day out of your life should not take you in to a lifetime of debt and mainly - regret. I just don't understand how these people can get away with charging thousands of pounds for a room and 50 canapés. Then I realised to myself, it's because they can - the want for people to get married will never fade. Women will never stop dreaming about fancy dresses and the perfect speech, because it's our dream (most of ours).
I see so many re-pins of the perfect barn and amazing engagement rings, girls just like me who wish they could get married in forests with tree's wrapped in fairy lights. I just want to be normal, I want to get married and I want to have a baby...soon. I can sit here and try to deny the burning desire I feel in my soul, for the perfect life - but I can't.
It is what I want and crave, a husband, a home and a beautifully, healthy child.
I don't want to be ruled by a pompous, money grabbing goon who hasn't the slightest interest in my big day, just his new Ferrari. I don't want to have to hold my reception in a complete dive with random people looking through the window's. I want a nice driveway and an open fire, cocktails in jars and lots of cake, surrounded by my nearest and dearest, listening to them laugh and reminding myself how lucky I am to have them.
I want to look in to my new husband's eyes and think this day is perfect. Then I think without everything, it will be because I have him and that is all that matters.
So much pressure is bestowed upon the bride and groom to provide a great 'show' for everyone else, when really the day is only about them and for them. Yet I still feel the need to feed them with just the right menu and make sure they sit on pretty chairs. I don't want to be judged, I more than anyone...just want to be loved.
As the Bohemian's of the Moulin Rouge sing: No matter what you say the show is ending our way. You've gotta stand your ground for freedom, beauty, truth, and love.
I love your posts and you! I hope you find something exactly like you want Gem. Good luck with it all xx
ReplyDeleteThanks hun :) x
DeleteGemma, I know you're going to think this is entirely ridiculous but I swear you'd have an amazing chance to be on this show, because you're and lovely person and because your blog is so well known in the UK, "Don't Tell The Bride" on BBC3 is looking for people who want to be married in 2013, this is SO SO SO SOOOOO your golden opportunity! Do it! http://www.bbc.co.uk/showsandtours/shows/beonashow/dont_tell_the_bride_2013
ReplyDeletexxx
http://rubierosie.blogspot.com
Oh Ruby imagine, that would solve so much in a fantasy world xx
DeleteI'm not sure where your located hun but if you literally wanted to get married in the trees, you can get married outside in Scotland :) It can be quite cost effective as well :)
ReplyDeleteI feel like this almost every day at the moment, about what I should do with my life/what I WANT to do/what everyone THINKS I should do. It's so confusing like a constant drone in the background. It's nice to sometimes do what you want to do and compromise on your terms :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you get what you want in the way you want it. I'm sure whichever way it turns out, it'll be perfect x
i love pintrest as well & the wedding companies have like the cutest stuff. im not even dating anyone rite now but i love wedding & party planning. pintrest is great for those types of things. i hope to have a wedding like that for myself one day. well i hope u get everything you want on your special day. nice post.
ReplyDeletealizarayne.blogspot.com
I agree and I feel this way about a lot more in my life than just weddings. Feeling this way is the real normal.
ReplyDeleteI know that when I get married one of the things I am writing into my budget is a wedding planner. I already have all the ideas ready so I don't really need one to plan it (and I am willing to go without certain things for this), but I think it would be so stressful to try to find your own venue and other companies to work with (like flowers, cater, etc). I hate calling places, and a wedding planner would just know if they were in my budget or not.
Try not to stress too much. You wouldn't want to invite anyone to your wedding who doesn't already love you anyways.
www.tornowandbing.com
Here's what I did...because like you, the wedding isn't as important as the marriage...we had a civil ceremony and then took our family to one of our favourite restaurants for lunch. We made arrangements for the restaurant to do some appetizers family style then everyone ordered off the menu. We had a small cake delivered from a local baker (per our specs, very simple) and they served the cake, we cut it (as tradition) and everyone had a piece. It was lovely and memorable and everything we hope. I just know you're day will be as lovely. Don't look outwards for inspiration, everything you need to know is right inside your heart :))
ReplyDeleteBest, Lisa
I'm sure your day will be absolutely magical because in the end it doesn't matter about all the 'things' you'll be marrying the love of your life and it'll be the first day of the rest of forever for you both <3
ReplyDeleteI know that when I get married we're just going to run away and do it as spontaneously as possible - only parents allowed!
Jennie xo | sailorjennie.com
I know wedding planning is super stressful because you want it to be a day you really remember but a budget-friendly wedding is possible and I'm proof of that! We didn't spend a house deposit's worth of money on our day and it was still one of the most beautiful days of my life. It was hard work because you add the word 'wedding' onto anything and it instantly pushes the price up, I can really recommend websites such as offbeatbride.com, rocknrollbride, thebrokeassbride and a massively positive resource for me was the moneysavingexpert forum dedicated to weddings. Budget doesn't have to mean 'cheap looking' I promise!
ReplyDeleteI am no where near the stage of getting married but a lot of my friends are starting to plan weddings so this resonates a lot.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you will have an amazing day, regardless of how much you spend or where you hold it. It's sad how there is so much pressure on couples, I feel stressed out even trying to decide how much I should spend on wedding gifts. x
I so totally agree with all of that... Now, my marriage didn't work out, but the wedding was good. I found it so much pressure to plan and organise everything though. The best decision we made was to keep things small. As in, extremely small. The guests were: four members of my family, six of his, three friends, us. This meant we could have our reception in my Mother-in-law's garden (with husband and best man manning the bbq), saving us tons of money but without having to compromise on the style we wanted. We had a big party for extended family and friends 3 months afterwards (mostly because my Mum wanted to have something to invite the family to). I don't know what your family situation is, but a small wedding worked really well for us. It also took the pressure off in terms of being centre of attention, and making sure everyone is having fun. I could relax and enjoy the day.
ReplyDeleteI think however you decide to do it, try and remember that it's just one day, and it's the marriage that's important. Also, make sure you give Dey some bits to do/things to help with. I took it all on myself, which was silly and stressful!
Good luck lovely, I hope it all works out for you xxxxxx
Aww, you just have to remember all them little things on the day won't even matter once you're standing at the alter looking in your future husbands eyes and seeing all your family and friends come together :) Whatever you do it will be perfect!
ReplyDeletexx
- Keeley
Living In Your Imagination
You will get there, it will all start coming together I promise! I have less than 8 months until my big day and I feel like I have so much left to do! We are also determined to not get into debt for a day!
ReplyDeleteAww Gemma, I know this won't help, but James and I got married nearly 3 years ago now, and i was the same as you, dreaming about the perfect day, and do you know what? I didn't get the venue i wanted (as it burnt down 3 weeks before the day!!) and a couple of other things weren't how i planned, but right now, i couldn't care less! I'm still married to the man of my dreams and we're still incredibly happy! No one really remembers the little things that go wrong because they'll all be too focused on how happy you both are and how much love is in the room.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get everything you want and dream for. Can't wait to see the pictures, you'll make a stunning bride!
xx
Thank you for all your kind words and helpful suggestions girls, it's really come in handy xx
ReplyDeleteit seems very overwhelming in the beginning, but the fog will lift at one point and everything will fall into place. we decided against a big shabang too, because of the same reason you said - we didn't want to start our together-life with a huge amount of debt, we decided on a wedding at a old southern bed and breakfast in an old texan town, with BBQ on picknick tables, folk music blasting from a stereo - everything was very low key and in the end perfect and so US.
ReplyDeletedon't kill yourself over pleasing others, this is YOUR day it has to be perfect for YOU. if you want low key, fairie lights in the forest then totally go for it - years and years and years from now you want to look back and have a huge smile on your face just thinking of that day. don't let anybody tell you how to do it!!!!!!
it will be a perfect day, wait and see.
xxxxx
I understand. Do exactly what you want - it's your day! If that's a registry office job for the ceremony then a country pub for the reception then do it! It's all the lovely stuff afterwards that matters. x
ReplyDeleteI got married in October so I know exactly what everything costs, I also own a pub with a large function room which my husband and I run, so I know what we charge... by the sounds of it our venue wouldn't be something you'd like but what you've got to understand is that these grand buildings charge the earth because they know they can, if you want your wedding in a place like this you have to really knock down your guest list to keep the price down. At the end of the day like you said, a wedding ends up being for everyone else... the closer your guests are and the smaller your guest list is, the more it becomes for you and not just a big show!!
ReplyDeletegood luck with everything
Jade | Beauty Butterfly Blog
xxx
I do hope you find something soon. It is such a shame that you can book a place for an event at one price but as soon as you tell them it's for a wedding that price sky rockets. My cousin and a good friend of mine are getting married this year and luckily for them his parents have just moved into a big house with a lot of land so that gives them the perfect reception venue to pop up a marquee and decorate Pinterest style. If only we were all that lucky eh! I'm sure whatever you end up finding you can transform into the perfect venue, rope in all your friends and family and get them making bunting or decorating candles!! GOOD LUCK <3
ReplyDeletehttp://www.rafflesbizarre.blogspot.com
You know what, I know exactly how you feel. I got married November 2012...it was a bit overwhelming at times trying to plan the whole thing. I did not want a huge extravagant wedding, but wanted something cosy, and intimate for a winter wedding. Found the perfect place - it had the barn feel to it but it was a restaurant! Not something I originally wanted, but it was ht eperfect place for us. The day itself had many hiccups in the morning...not everything went to plan, and yes...there were tears. BUT - once the ceremony arrived I forgot all the stress (and the rain outside) and we had the most amazing day. Now I'm loving being married (and am also getting broody!). The day itself will be worth it, I promise. Good luck with all the plans, I just know you will have an amazing day xx
ReplyDeleteAwwh Gem. You have a lovely way of writing things. It's sad to hear that you are having trouble finding somewhere thats perect for you and your Husband to be. I have not yet had the pleasure to plan a wedding, but I think when you do find somewhere you love, it should definitely be the choice of where you want. Try not to worry what others with think, because as you say your nearest and dearest will be there and they will enjoy your lovely day with you, exactly the way you want it. Good Luck with the planning x
ReplyDeleteHi Gem, I planned my wedding in eight months, and had everything I wanted within a budget, so you still have enough time! The best bit of advice I was given, was to not mention to all suppliers you are planning a wedding. They will up the costs if you do. Also, it is definately true, you will not worry about as much on the day as long as you marry the love of your life which is clearly the case. Lots of love xx
ReplyDeleteHi Gem, I feel your pain! My guy proposed last February and we were hoping to get married in 2014 but we've had to push it back to 2015 because it's just too expensive. Especially when there are certain things you don't want to cut out like long lasting wedding rings, a good photographer, a first dance and a honeymoon to remember.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first started looking at planning our wedding I ended up in tears and it felt soul destroying to know how expensive it would all be and we're only having a really small intimate gathering of 30 people.
Now because it's quite far away I've sort of pushed it to the back of my mind because it's just slightly depressing, the cost of some of the venue's is disgusting. Thankfully though my guy is really great and we've sat down and talked about what we're willing to cut and what we really want to keep, which will hopefully make things much cheaper.
I wish you and Dey all the luck in the world with planning your special day & in the end just keep reminding yourself why you're doing it and who you're really doing it for, because once the big day arrives you won't notice the chair covers and whether or not the tables are right you'll be too busy becoming Mrs Dey and really that's all that matters! xox
This is such a lovely heartfelt post! Try not to worry about organising everything and remember - as long as Dey and your family are there, the day will be perfect regardless ♥ x
ReplyDeleteThis may be of some help to you if you can track it down, Franc's DIY Brides, was a television programme on TV here in Ireland last year.
ReplyDeleteMost of the brides had their wedding in their dream location but with the help of one of Ireland's best know planners, he gave them some ideas of where to save pennies! It is a LOT of work but if you manage to find the programme you will see the results.
This is lovely, and exactly the opinion I have too :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your wedding day!
Emily
xxx
http://anoverheatednorthwestbliss.blogspot.co.uk/
You write so beautifully, I swear this post is poetic. I think you captured perfectly every bride to be's worries and hopes for their big day. I hope that you find what you heart wishes for, I look forward to seeing more posts about it :D
ReplyDeleteOutsideBeautyInsideHealth
Weddings are so hard. We found our dream venue and thankfully can afford it but part of us has to ignore some of the costs involved. We're trying to do a lot ourselves, even buying the fizz ourselves but the venue is charging us corkage!!!. Somehow you have to just forget the ridiculous costs and go with it and plan the kind of day you dream of.
ReplyDeleteAh Gem have have I only just found your blog?!
ReplyDeleteI will happily plan your entire wedding for you, I'm wedding mad.
You will have the perfect husband, home and child too one day, just keep your chin up and try to remember you're meant to enjoy wedding planning! xo